Rock Bottom
by SimplyDreams
Summary: Edward leaves and Bella resorts to drugs to help her through the pain.
1. Chapter 1

**Twilight is owned by Stephenie Meyer.**

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**Set in the beginning of New Moon, after Edward leaves Bella. Bella is found in the forest by Sam and is now in her room.**

I was an empty shell, unable to feel anything. My reason for being left me, didn't care for me anymore. A thousand thoughts ran through my mind. What had I done wrong? What should I have done differently? The most important one – would he ever come back? He didn't love me, but he could still come back to Forks, right? I knew there was almost no chance of that happening, but I didn't want to let go of that little piece of hope. I couldn't accept the fact that I might never see him again.

As I lay down on my bed I could hear the door open and someone enter the room. Then I heard Charlie's voice ''Bella, how are feeling?''

I didn't answer. I couldn't find my voice. I could also feel anger growing inside. How did I feel? How could he even ask a question like that? I felt dead. There was no desire to keep on living, not without him. I tried to think what I should do, but my mind came up blank. It was like all of a sudden I was floating in a big dark space and was completely cut off from the outside world.

When morning came, I finally moved from the bed. I didn't get any sleep at all. I just felt empty, like there was nothing that would make me smile ever again. I wasn't sure what I should do now. It was a Saturday so there was no school. I just couldn't stay here for much longer. This room, this bed – they reminded me of all the good times Edward and I had had here. I had to get out of the house. So I took a long cold shower, hoping that the cold water would snap me out of my zombie-like state, and pulled on a pair of jeans and a green pullover. I went downstairs to see if there was anything to eat. There was food, but nothing I would've wanted to have and I wasn't really that hungry so I decided to skip breakfast altogether.

I stomped to my truck and it roared to life. I backed out of the drive-way and just started driving down the street not knowing where I'd end up. I drove and drove and finally stopped in front of a store. I didn't know what to do. I had nowhere else to go. I sat there for a while and decided to head back home. I was home before Charlie so I thought I'd cook him dinner to keep me occupied. When I was done I set the table for him and went upstairs to my room. I looked at the empty bed and couldn't stop the tears from overflowing. That night I cried myself to sleep. Sunday went by slowly. I just spent the hole day in bed crying. When the tears ran out I just continued to sob. Although Charlie told me I didn't have to go to school yet, I decided to go. It was the only way to distract myself even if it was just a little bit.

The next morning I got ready and drove to school. I was early so I just sat in my truck until people started gathering. I was lost in my thought. I couldn't really make out what I was thinking about exactly. It seemed like I was thinking about several things at once not really understanding anything. I looked at the clock and found myself being late to class. So I grabbed my things and ran to school.

**Three weeks later.**

Time passed so slowly, weeks felt like months. I was glad about school though, it meant I didn't start crying until I got home from school.

Nothing had changed though. I didn't feel any better, I only felt worse by every day that went by. I was at the point of total breakdown, when I met this guy at school one day. I had seen him before, but never really talked to him. He was a sophomore so we didn't have any classes together. Also he was considered to be part of the ''bad crowd''. I had heard rumors of them throwing wild parties and dealing with drugs. Until now I had stayed away from him. But today, when I saw him during lunch, I saw my way out of the hell I was in.


	2. Chapter 2

**Twilight is owned by Stephenie Meyer.**

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It took a lot of courage to approach him. I waited until he was alone and walked up to him.

''Hi,'' I said.

He looked at me with wide eyes, but replied ''Hi''.

''I'm Bella.''

A moment of silence. ''What's your name?''

He still looked at me for a few seconds, but then opened his mouth ''I'm Todd.''

I smiled at him. ''Well, Todd, I heard you were the person to turn to when I wanted to buy certain pills.''

He looked me in the eyes and then around us. He crabbed my hand and pulled me away to the corridor and into the janitor's closet. ''What you need?'' His voice was all business now.

''I'm not sure. Just something to make me forget and feel better.''

''Well, I have some Ecstasy. That will make you forget all your troubles.''

We arranged the price and I was to bring the money to him tomorrow and get my pills. I felt satisfied with myself. Firstly, I was proud I found the courage to go ask Todd in the first place. Also, because I knew that tomorrow I would have a better day because of it. I decided I would go home from school the moment I got my hands on those pills and test them out at home. I couldn't wait.

I drove home with Cullen-like speed the next day. I couldn't wait to try out the colorful pills I had gotten. I ran upstairs and took them out of my pocket. I was glad I could get so many with the limited amount of money I had. I wasn't sure how many I should take at a time. I decided to experiment with two. I put them in my mouth and zipped a mouthful of water. I felt them sliding down my throat and into my stomach. I waited for them to take effect. I didn't have to wait long. Just minutes after I felt my heart start to pound faster and a sense of euphoria coming over me. I can't put the feeling into words, I just felt happy. All of my problems just disappeared, I was free. I ran outside and into the forest. You couldn't imagine the things I saw there. It was like I had never seen the world before and now I finally opened my eyes to its wonders, it was breathtaking.

I woke up on the forest floor. My clothes were damp and the light was starting to dim. I felt disappointed to feel normal again. I wanted to feel what I had just felt. I got up and felt dizzy. I leaned against a tree and stood there for a few minutes. When my head had cleared, I started slowly walking towards the house. I was glad to find that Charlie wasn't home yet, he must be held up at work. I also didn't felt the need to cook for him. There were leftovers from yesterday. I was not hungry, so there would be enough for him.

I went to my room and fought against the urge to take more pills right away. I didn't want Charlie to catch me. So I waited patiently.

Days passed and I spent most of my time at home. I didn't actually tell Charlie I was skipping school. I couldn't care less if he did find out. I showed my face in some of the classes, but only because I needed more pills from Todd.

I was almost absolutely sure Charlie had noticed the difference in my behavior, but he would never think of me using drugs. He didn't think I was capable of such things. Neither did I. Not until about a month and a half ago. It was so easy to just forget. I felt so light I could fly.

Cash was harder to come by nowadays. I had to steal from Charlie, but I couldn't help it, I was hooked. I couldn't go a day without. So that meant frequent visits to Todd. Charlie had also confronted me about school, but I told him I just wasn't ready yet. He thought I would be over Edward by now, but as soon as I started crying, he let me off the hook. And I can't deny using that trick against him frequently. Life was easy now.

I was out again, but this time I didn't have any money. I pleaded Todd to give me some pills and promised to bring him the money later, but he didn't. No matter how hard I begged, he didn't even consider it. So I had to find cash fast. I was sure people had been noticing my strange behavior and appearance, but I didn't care. I only had one thing on my mind.

I went to my room and searched around for things I could sell in order to pay Todd. I came up empty handed because I didn't really own anything valuable. My brain refused to work properly as my hands started to shake. Where would I get the money? I went to Charlie's room next and looked around. Then I saw my dad's watch on the dresser. I knew it must be worth something. It was a Rolex Renee had gotten him for his birthday years ago. I took it and stuffed it into my pocket.

I think I had never driven so fast before. I was practically flying towards school. I showed the watch to Todd and he inspected it closely. He doubted for a moment, but agreed to give me my pills. I got quite a lot for the watch, so it must be expensive enough. I know I should have felt guilty, but I didn't. I was happy at the thought that I would be rid of my sad thoughts for a few weeks at least.

I took more than two pills at a time now, two just wasn't enough anymore. I had totally lost track of time. I had no idea how long I'd been using by now. I avoided Charlie as much as I could. He would leave for work before I got up and I would stay at home until I knew that he would be arriving home soon. I usually left a note on the fridge saying I went out and be back later. Charlie and I hardly ever saw each other nowadays. I knew that he must be worried about me, but I didn't want him to find out about my pastime activities.

One day, I think it was Tuesday, I decided to go for a walk in the woods to avoid Charlie. I had just taken three pills and started to feel good. I stumbled into the forest and tripped over the first branch. I fell face down into the mud. As soon as I could breathe again I started laughing. I rolled onto my back and looked at the treetops. I could see the gray sky through them. Then everything started spinning. I closed my eyes for a minute and then got on my feet still laughing. I spread out my arms and started spinning around. I tried to hold my eyes open, but I was feeling a little nauseous and had to close them again. It felt so liberating.

I'm not sure how long I was spinning and laughing like that, but I felt tired and dizzy all of a sudden and halted to a stop. I put my hands on my knees for support and tried to slow my breathing. When I looked back up I saw something move in the trees. I looked closer and it looked like a man. I stumbled a few steps forward and the figure stopped and looked at me. He looked so familiar and I stepped closer. As I approached him I could see his face more clearly and then I recognized him.

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**I was going to post this tomorrow, but I know what it's like to be left hanging so here it is - the next chapter. Hope you like it :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Twilight is owned by Stephenie Meyer.**

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It was Edward. He looked at me and turned away. I yelled ''Wait!'', but he ignored me and started running away. I started chasing him and a thought occurred to me – how was I able to keep up with him? Then I realized he was running slower than a human, but just fast enough to keep a distance between us. Why was he doing this to me? Then he came to a stop and let me catch up with him.

He turned to me and said ''I don't love you anymore, I don't want you. I could never want someone as pathetic as you''. After he was finished he disappeared into thin air. I stood there not understanding anything. Was that just my imagination?

After a few minutes I cleared my head and forgot all about it. I was still high and a wave of happiness washed over me. Then I started imagining all kinds of weird stuff. I saw a talking cow and a tiny elephant wearing a pink tutu. I saw a bunch of ducks wearing suits tap dancing. I was fascinated by how good they were. Then I was approached by a large monkey who asked for my opinion on circus animals. I explained what I thought about how they were being treated, but was interrupted by someone saying my name. I looked to my left and saw _him_ standing there again. I turned to the monkey and said ''Excuse me, I have to go, but I'll get back to you on that subject later''. I walked to Edward and said ''You again.''

He looked at me with confusion. ''Are you lost'', I asked. ''I think you should go that way and take a right after that tree.'' I pointed in the directed I thought he should go, but he didn't move. ''Well don't come to me for help anymore then.'' I was angry, what did he want from me?

I turned to the monkey ''Okay, where were we?'' Then I felt him grab me and turn me around to face him again. ''Bella, are you okay?''

''I've never felt better. Can't you see how many friends I have now.'' I stretched my arms out and pointed behind me to the ducks, elephant, cow and monkey. They all waved at me and I smiled.

''Bella, there's no one there,'' he sounded worried.

''Yes, there is. There are the ducks, cow and monkey. The tiny elephant with the pink tutu flew away.''

''Bella, what is the matter with you?'' He took my face into his hands and forced me to look him in the eyes. ''Your pupils are dilated. Oh my God, Bella, are you on something?''

I was getting angry at him now and yanked away from him. ''What's it to you? I thought you said you didn't care about someone as pathetic as me!''

''I never said that.'' He stepped in my direction and stretched out his arms, but I stepped away from him.

''Yes, you did. Just a few minutes ago you were here and yelled it to my face.''

''Bella, what did you take?'' He reached for my hand and pulled up my sleeve as if looking for needle marks.

''Don't touch me!'' I yelled, but he didn't let go of me.

''Bella, tell me right now what happened?'' He sounded angry.

''Oh, you poor thing, you don't know what happened. You left me, remember. I don't have to tell you anything.''

He winced and let go of me. I took a step backwards and laughed. He didn't disappear as before, he just stood there and watched me. I decided he wasn't going to ruin this for me and ignored him. I went back to the monkey, who now looked bored, and continued where I had left off before.

When I was finished he waved at me and jumped on the tree right behind him. I looked after him as he leaped from tree to tree and disappeared. As I look up I saw the gray sky and started spinning again. It was the most wonderful feeling I had ever felt. I twirled and twirled, but then stumbled over something and fell down again. I hit my head on a rock and next thing I knew Edward was kneeling beside me. I felt the blood running on my face and I couldn't keep my eyes open.

''Bella, can you hear me?'' I tried to open my mouth, but before I had the chance I passed out.

I was on something soft now. My head hurt and I reached my hand up to touch it. There was a bandage on the spot that hurt the most. I opened my eyes then and the room looked so familiar. Then I saw someone looking back at me. It was Edward.

I was stunned. What was he doing here?

''Edward?''

''I'm here, love. How are you feeling?''

I was so shocked it was hard to find words. ''I-I'm fine.''

We looked at each other then for a moment. ''What are you doing here?'' I asked.

''Bella, I just couldn't stay away.''

''But you don't love me, what's there to keep you here?''

''Bella, love. I do love you, I always have and always will. Nothing will change that.''

I looked at him speechless. He loved me. I still had to be high, because this couldn't be real. ''Sure, ahah, right. Of course you love me. Right.'' I said sarcastically.

''Bella, it's the truth. I love you and I will never leave you again.''

This was going out of hand. I needed to snap out of it. I got up and walked towards the bathroom. Edward followed me, he looked curious. I went over to the sink and splashed cold water to my face. I bowed over the sink a moment letting the water drip out of my hair and looked up. He was still there. ''What the...?'' I started, but he cut me off.

''Bella, this is for real. I'm right here.'' He took my face in his hands and looked me straight in the eyes.

I looked at him puzzled. ''Edward?''

''Yes, love.'' He replied and kissed me lightly on the lips.

''But why are you here?''

''Haven't you been listening a word I've said? I love you and I can't live without you.''

Then I felt the tears running down my face. ''You love me?'' I whispered.

''Oh, Bella'' he sighed and put his arms around me. I sobbed into his chest and when I was finished I looked at him. He pushed my hair out of my face and murmured softly ''I'm so sorry. I thought it was best for you to forget about me. I thought you'd be safe. I hate myself for hurting you like this. I will do anything to make you forgive me. I'll grant your every wish, I'll even beg on my knees if that's what you want. Please just take me back.''

''Oh Edward. I love you so much'' and then we were kissing again. It lasted longer than any of our kisses. As he kissed me I felt the life coming back to me. When he finally pulled away I was breathless.

He took me back into his bedroom and we sat on the bed. ''Bella, about what happened in the forest...''

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**And that was chapter 3. The story is almost over, there's going to be one or two more chapters in the next couple of days. If you read, please review. I'm already working on something else, so I would love to hear your opinions on how to improve my writing :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**So this is the final chapter.**

**Also I'd like to say that I might've gotten the effects of Ecstasy wrong, because I don't know exactly what it does to a person. But I so wanted her to hallucinate and I didn't want Bella to be hooked on something too serious like cocaine. So it might not be 100 accurate, but I wanted to write a lighter story. **

**Thanks for the reviews, I really appreciate your comments :)**

**Twilight is owned by Stephenie Meyer.**

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''I don't want to talk about that right now. I just want to be with you.'' I put my arms around him. He did the same and pulled me closer. We held each other, but were interrupted by a knock on the door. We both looked in it's direction and saw Carlisle open it.

''Hello, Bella. I just came to check on your head.'' He was next to us in a flash. He removed my bandage and looked at the wound. ''You were lucky, it isn't deep. It should heal quickly'' he said putting on a clean bandage.

Right then I felt my hands starting to quiver. I looked down at them, but just couldn't hold them still. I knew what this meant, I knew what my body was craving. I tried to hide it, but they saw.

''Bella,'' Carlisle asked ''have you been taking anything?''

''No,'' I said and hid my face in Edward's chest.

''Bella.'' This time it was Edward who spoke.

I tried to get closer to him, but he grabbed my shoulders and pulled me away to look me in the eyes. ''Bella, love. It's okay, just tell us.''

I stared at him and said ''Well, I did take some pills...''

''What pills?'' Carlisle asked.

''Ecstasy.''

''How many?'' Carlisle again, he sounded worried.

''I'm not sure exactly, I took two to three each day.''

''How long have you been using?''

''I first started a few weeks after you left.'' I looked at the floor. I didn't want to see the disappointment on their faces.

''That's not good,'' Carlisle said looking at Edward now. ''She'll experience heavy withdraw symptoms.''

Edward looked at me. ''This is all my fault. If I hadn't left, you would've never done something like this to yourself.'' And then he held me. I started sobbing and he hummed my lullaby.

I'm not sure how long I slept, but when I woke up I was at home in my bed. It was dark outside and I went to check on Charlie. He must be mad about me staying out so late. I went downstairs and saw him watching a game on TV.

''Hey, Bells'' he called when he saw me coming down.

''Hey, Dad.'' He wasn't mad. ''Sorry I was out so late.''

''It's okay. I was held up at work and when I got home you were already sleeping.''

Sleeping, was it all only a dream? ''Good night, Dad.''

''Good night, Bells!''

I went back to my room. I sat on the bed and just looked into the same spot for a while. What if it really was just a dream? What if Edward wasn't back? Yes, it must've been a dream, it was too good to be true.

I got up and felt dizzy. I grabbed my head and there was a bandage on it. How can that be? I must've put it on myself when I was high. I went over to my dresser and reached for my hidden stash. I found it where I had left it, under a stack of socks. I opened the bag and then stopped. But what if it was all real, that meant that Edward was back and I wouldn't need the pills anymore. That's what I thought, but the junkie in me had come up with a clever plan. I should hide these in multiple places so he wouldn't find them all if he was to come looking. So that's what I did, I hid them all over my room and took six to the bathroom.

When I was finished I was left with two in my hand. I brought a glass of water from the bathroom and sat on my bed waiting for Charlie to fall asleep. I opened my door and heard him snoring. I went over to the dresser where I had the pills and the water and was about to take them in.

''Bella, what are you doing?'' I heard coming from behind me. It was Edward standing by my window.

I instinctively put my hand with the pills behind my back. ''Edward, you're really here.'' I was happy, but not completely. My body still craved for something else.

''Bella,'' he said in low voice ''what's in your hand?''

I took a step backwards and replied ''Nothing.''

He was in front of me in a flash grabbing my hand.

''No!'' I yelled, but he had already opened my hand.

He looked sad. He held my hand tightly and took the pills from me. ''No'' I yelled again.

''Bella, it's for your own good.''

''But you don't understand, I need those!'' I was already starting to feel dizzy and sick in my stomach.

He held me then pulling me close to him. After a minute he pushed me back to look at me. ''Do you have any more of those?''

''No,'' I replied without even thinking. A reflex I guess.

''Bella, love. You always were a horrible liar. Where are they?''

''I don't know what you're talking about,'' I said indifferently.

''You know I'll find them eventually, right?''

''There's nothing for you to find.''

He sat me on the bed. ''Stay!'' he commanded and started looking around the room sniffing the air. It was so easy for him to find them. And I thought I had hidden them carefully. He found all that were hidden in my room. He sniffed again and then looked at me. ''Is that all?''

I was so angry at him. I threw myself back onto the bed and rolled to my side so he couldn't see my face. He put the pills into his pocket and came to me. He lay down behind me and put his arm around my waist pulling me closer. I tried to yank away, but he held me tightly against himself. ''Shh,'' he whispered into my ear ''everything is going to be fine.''

I could feel my body starting to shake. No doubt it was from being without for so long. He sat up and pulled me onto his lap and rocked me back and forth gently. I started crying and he again hummed my lullaby, but this time it didn't have that soothing effect on me. I felt sick in my stomach and I just had to get out of there.

I wanted to get out of his arms and I put my hand over my mouth. He looked at me and let me go. I ran to the bathroom with him following me. He would've come inside with me, but I didn't want him to see me like this. So I closed the door in his face and mumbled ''Sorry''.

I felt awful. I thought the puking was never going to stop. Edward waited patiently behind the door asking if I was okay. When it finally felt like I was able to stand up again I remembered the hidden pills in the bathroom. I would do anything to get rid of this feeling, of being so sick. I stood up and took them into my hand. There was six. I had never taken so many at a time, but thinking I probably wouldn't get the chance again soon, I took them all. I put them in my mouth, took a zip of water and swallowed. I put my hands on the sink for support and felt the effects of the pills almost immediately. It must be because my stomach was totally empty or because I had taken so many. I stood there watching myself in the mirror seeing everything swirling around me. It was too much and I collapsed onto the floor.

Edward was beside me at once picking me up from the floor and calling my name. I felt his icy hand on my face, but I couldn't answer him and then there was darkness all around me.

I woke up in a hospital bed with all these tubes and machines around me. I looked around and there he was, my Edward, sitting beside me.

He stroke my hair and said ''Bella'' in the softest voice.

''Edward,'' I felt the tears coming. ''I'm so sorry.''

''It's okay, you're going to be okay,'' he said and kissed my forehead.

''What happened?''

''You overdosed and they did a gastric lavage on you.''

''Oh,'' I whispered.

''Don't worry, love. Everything is going to be fine.''

--

And everything was fine. I still had to deal with the wrath of Charlie, but it wasn't that bad now that I had Edward beside me again. He helped me through the painful process of withdraw and over time I was fine. Charlie said I'd be grounded for the rest of my life, but he let me off the hook after a few months. It took a while for Edward to let me out of his sight for more than a few seconds, but eventually he trusted me not to do anything stupid.

I have been clean for several months now and I couldn't be happy. I'm with the one whom I love the most in this world. We will have forever together and there is nothing that can come between us now.

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**I really hope you liked the story. It was my first fanfic ever, my first try at writing actually. I'm not a native English speaker, so there may be mistakes in there. I would be thankful if you'd point them out (if you find any) so I could improve myself. Thanks for reading :)**


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